guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
