I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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