I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
