If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
