don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
