is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
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I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
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you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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