Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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