too bad you live with your parents still
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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