Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize