I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
