he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
