Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
