you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize