so that wasnt chicken after all
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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