i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
