I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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