i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
