So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Jerry, you need to find god
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
