i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
