So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
