I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
