There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
