Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Even my vagina gasped.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
