if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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