This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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