Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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