I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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