the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
