R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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