I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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