Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
