Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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