We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
