I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm sobbing to NWA
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
