New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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