I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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