8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
