but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.