I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
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I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day