Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore

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  (516): this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore http://tfl.nu/7h30
  Replies (27) Good night (2340) Bad night (1072)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.

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  (503): I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz. http://tfl.nu/wgvl
  Replies (84) Good night (2231) Bad night (6326)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.

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  (860): i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards. http://tfl.nu/0s8j
  Replies (24) Good night (926) Bad night (6859)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.

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  (717):Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine. (1-717):That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with. http://tfl.nu/pv3h
  Replies (17) Good night (4151) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.

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  (616): I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon. http://tfl.nu/lqe8
  Replies (29) Good night (1288) Bad night (4124)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet

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  (252): it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet http://tfl.nu/si54
  Replies (6) Good night (2293) Bad night (1460)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault

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  (541): We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault http://tfl.nu/ovjn
  Replies (4) Good night (2998) Bad night (929)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.

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  (307): i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl. http://tfl.nu/csya
  Replies (15) Good night (3078) Bad night (1070)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....

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  (540): I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name.... http://tfl.nu/37ao
  Replies (8) Good night (1335) Bad night (3512)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee

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  (515): officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee http://tfl.nu/e1kn
  Replies (3) Good night (724) Bad night (1629)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom

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  (661): im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom http://tfl.nu/xude
  Replies (3) Good night (1117) Bad night (766)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.

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  (773): Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that. http://tfl.nu/tp3a
  Replies (8) Good night (1512) Bad night (586)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.

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  (318): Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana. http://tfl.nu/wjg5
  Replies (2) Good night (894) Bad night (368)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.

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  (906): Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle. http://tfl.nu/e62g
  Replies (0) Good night (634) Bad night (347)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.

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  (850): I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman. http://tfl.nu/btmi
  Replies (2) Good night (512) Bad night (192)

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