he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
