then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Randomize
