you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
