So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
