She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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