btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
