The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
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you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
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We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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