You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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