so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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