This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
