i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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