At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
