Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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