it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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