too bad you live with your parents still
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
