I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
