i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
