Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
