It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
