at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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