I just saw a hot homeless man
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize
