i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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