My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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