Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
