I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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