Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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