Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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