is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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