Just mADE A PArabola og urine
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
