Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
