Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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